When I am floundering and feeling the stress of leading in uncertain, stressful, liminal times, I begin by focusing on just one verse, verse 42, "They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers." Scripture, community, worship. Bible study, compassion, food and prayer. Learning God's Word together, supporting each other, eating together, praying for one another. When I do not know what to do, I know I can begin with Acts 2:42. I can practice even one aspect of these marks of the early church and know the Spirit will show up and discernment will follow.
Much of the Gospel appointed for today centers around hearing and responding to Jesus' voice. The gate through which we are to enter and exit the pasture is Jesus. Knowing where that Jesus-gate is, when to come in and when to go out requires recognizing the Shepherd's voice and heeding its instructions. While Jesus knows my name and I am to know his call, I find the other aspects of the flock and field distracting. Everyone is mewing. There is a storm brewing. A rumor is circulating that a pack of wolves lurks just across the fence. Thieves and bandits come out of nowhere. We sheep are vulnerable, and fear easily overtakes the flock. Strangers masquerade as the Shepherd. In times of crisis - personal, communal, global - I find myself straining to hear the voice of my Shepherd, struggling to discern where he is leading, if he is really present and protecting us. I start to come and go without purpose, circling the field, seeking in vain for rest, direction, peace.
In recent weeks, as this pandemic persists and our stay-at-home orders remain, I find that no matter how much I sleep, I feel exhausted. I begin to look at my work and wonder: Is it worthwhile? Is it enough? Should I do something more or different or better? I start fretting about all I am not doing for the world. Shouldn't I volunteer more or give more or agitate more? I ruminate over what lessons this new reality should be teaching me. What reality is being revealed that I ought to see and embrace or notice and attempt to change? Which headline should I read or ignore? Which advice is prudent or fake? Which leader trustworthy or self-serving? Is there a pundit or guru or expert or consultant who knows what's next? I've seen that list of "questions you should be thinking about," but I've yet to see the list of answers that goes along with it.
Nothing seems stable, and formerly routine tasks require thought and planning. The heretofore settled rhythms of life no longer apply. The word "unprecedented" keeps coming up. The unknowns refuse to relent. As badly as I want to hear Jesus call my name and guide my steps, often I feel instead as if I am walking around in circles with no clear sense of where I am supposed to go.
When I most need to hear and heed my Shepherd, I can least discern his voice or find his gate, let alone see the Way ahead.
This is when I return to Acts 2:42. I return to the teachings of the Scripture, to the prayers and creeds of our tradition, the verses and ones I know by heart. The Lord is my Shepherd. Our Father. I believe in God the Father Almighty, maker of heaven and earth. Consider the lilies of the field. Be still and know that I am God. I will not leave you orphaned. What is your chief end? I go to what I know by heart and that helps quiet the countless other voices competing for my attention. When it seems like thieves and bandits are having their way, I return to the apostles' teachings about Jesus, his life, death and resurrection.
When I am searching for the Gate, for how to find my way into the fold or out into the world, I return to the apostles' teachings and I rely on others who know it by heart, too. This time of worldwide suffering cannot be lived alone. We need each other. I need the Body of Christ. I need the fellowship of believers, especially when I cannot be with them and break bread in person. I was on yet another Zoom gathering yesterday - one that was optional, so I almost skipped it. But it reminded me how indispensable the other members of the flock are to my sense of security and well-being. I had not seen this group in a long time. We began with updates and I listened as my Christian friends told of incredible ministry in all kinds of settings: public schools, corporations, churches, universities, seminaries. It reminded me that I do not need to do more, I just need to do my part. It helped me remember God does not leave us alone and we are not in this alone. Hearing them, seeing them, praying with them was a gateway to the holy, a conduit for the voice of Jesus that spoke of compassion, mercy and peace.
While I grieve that we cannot break bread together in the sanctuary or around those plastic tables in the fellowship hall, I rejoice that nothing will stop our worship, our prayers, the communion of the saints. Easter would not, could not be stopped and the risen Christ will not remain in the graveyard or be prevented from coming to us through locked doors or during stay-at-home orders. The Good Shepherd stops at nothing to provide for the sheep. The halting hymns sung in my living room do not soar like the alleluia chorus of our church choir, but they are heartfelt. Singing them, and knowing others are singing them too, hones my ability to hear Jesus calling my name, leading me out to serve and bringing me home to rest.
I do not know the answers to all the questions that swirl around us. I do know Jesus is the Gate through which we will find our way forward. I know I need to hone my ability to hear his voice and to do that I need to devote myself to the apostles' teaching and fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. Then I will know the Shepherd from the strangers and abundant life will follow.
This week:
- During this time of crisis, what has brought you comfort? Hope? Peace?
- How do you hone your ability to hear Jesus' voice? What distracts you from Jesus or distorts his call?
- Acts 2:42-47 describes the early church. How well does it describe the church today? What would need to change in order for it to better describe the current church?
- How are you able to study the Bible, participate in community, break bread and pray together when we cannot physically be together? What has been a blessing of this way of being the church? What do you miss about not being in the same space?
- What are some Scripture passages that give you direction? Comfort? Are there particular prayers or creeds that you go to when you seek to discern God's will?
- The passage from Acts says that awe came upon everyone. Have you experienced a communal sense of awe and wonder? What caused that awe and wonder and how did it impact you?
No comments:
Post a Comment